DEAR CHILDREN OF PA FADEYI, LEAVE TOKE ALONE AND SPEAK TO YOUR FATHER PLEASE

So, Toke Makinwa our #BabyGirlForLife has been in the news lately for her alleged romance with a certain sugar daddy. 

I feel enraged and I just want to find the children of this sugar daddy and land them 3 dirty slaps each because they need to be delivered them from the fog they seem to be in which has made them lose touch with reality. The reality here is that they have no business with Toke and the only person they should be calling out and dragging in the public is in fact their beloved father. The last time I checked, Toke is a single woman who has the right to date anyone she likes especially someone that allegedly appreciates her love with the best things money can buy. Who no like better thing abeg. Or did Pa Fadeyi complain that Toke is putting a gun to his throat before he makes the transfers or writes her cheques? 

I’ve seen this thing play out over and over again and it’s just annoying, this is another way we shame women and make them the sacrificial lambs for the shortcomings of men. This is the same premise on which the famous husband snatcher tag that we are so apt to use is based. In this case someone took you to the altar or court of law as the case maybe and vowed to love you till death do you both apart. This same person then turns around, breaks his vow to you and starts following another woman but you are so blind or stupid or just not ready to face the reality, so you start tormenting the woman your husband is sleeping with because she was the one that vowed to love you till eternity?  Was she the one who said she’ll never leave you nor forsake you? How entitled can you be? 

Another issue here is how we seem to hold women to higher moral standards than we do men. So it is okay for Pa Fadeyi to allegedly want to spoil Toke Silly but woe betides Toke if she accepts because she is supposed to know better and be more morally upright? It is okay for a husband to cheat but it is the woman he cheats with that should be blamed because she should be like the Virgin Mary always? Why do we expect so much from women and so little from Men?

This same narrative is the major reason why we keep cutting men so much slack as it advances the silly notion that men are helpless in the face of sexual pleasure. We act as though men lose touch with their senses at the sight of a beautiful woman or cannot correctly coordinate themselves when madly in love with a woman. This is one of the many excuses we make for men and it is an insult to manhood but we keep on enabling this narrative and what do we get? Men who are compelled to live out this narrative and quick to make this excuse or themselves since it is acceptable after all. Ohh…but her beauty turned me into a fool, I couldn’t resist her charms, I was helpless the minute she rubbed her delicate fingers on my head and played with my beard and the instant her lips brushed mine, I became a moron. How pathetic!

Before you come at me with the morality card, have you not been having sex with your bf or gf that you are not yet married to? But you suddenly feel more morally upright than Toke abi and you can judge her. Drop the act and stop being silly, or maybe you are just thoroughly pained that someone is doing exactly the same thing you’ve been doing but the difference is you are doing yours for free abi. 

What two consenting adults decide to do in the privacy of their room is none of anybody’s business, dear children of Pa Fadeyi, leave Toke alone and speak to your father please.  

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Leave the Husband Snatcher alone, she does not know you from Adam

DISCLAIMER: This is not entirely an original idea; it was sparked by tidbits from someone’s rants on a blog I read earlier today. What i have done is to turn the spark into flames (for my mind). Unfortunately, I cannot link to the blog because of some very personal issues

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Many of you probably saw the picture above when it made the rounds on social media a while ago. I presume the picture was shared on social media by a scorned wife. Cheating is one of the age-long challenges that marriages and relationships face but it is annoying to see how the narrative plays out when a spouse cheats and how the blames are apportioned.

If the cheating partner is a man, a woman promptly tagged a husband snatcher becomes the sacrificial lamb. The cheated wife takes her frustration out on the mistress because well, the mistress should have closed her legs. But in a case where the cheating partner is the wife, you would expect that a wife snatcher should rightly take the heat for the offence of a cheating wife, no? However, there is no such thing like a wife snatcher, when a woman cheats she gets blamed for it. It is quite simple enough, she is an ungrateful whore. Isn’t it quite unbelievable huh, women’s inhumanity to their fellow women. 

You see, we live in a society where women are perceived to be inherently guilty. The narrative of infidelity in relationships is a clear proof of this because it does not matter who the cheating spouse is, a woman somewhere will always be blamed.

The portrayal of men like lambs being led to the slaughter of infidelity but cannot utter a word in the face of their oppressive and manipulative mistresses is a tad annoying because we all know quite well that men are generally the initiators of sexual relationships. So, unless you have proof that your husband was dragged, tied, and probably drugged to have sex with someone else, you should never call another woman a husband snatcher. Your husband’s two eyes were widely opened, he knew what he was doing and I bet you he enjoyed every bit of it. I know you have been socialized to always find a way of escape for men, to always try not to hurt their feelings, your whole life has been about making men feel good about themselves even if means you will ridicule yourself or another woman but stop it right now! Stop trying so hard to cater to the fragile egos of men, stop trying to find an excuse for him, stop trying to babysit him, didn’t he call himself a man?

It’s quite simple if you take time to go over it. You gave your trust to someone and pledged your allegiance to him, this person also promised to be your one and only till death do your part. This someone now violated your trust, dishonored his pledge to you and he decided that he was going to scatter abroad what is supposed to be exclusively yours. Yet here you are trying to exonerate him. He is the one you have a relationship and a commitment with; the husband snatcher does not know you from Adam, why do you expect so much from her while expecting very little from your beloved husband? Haba! Let’s talk where the real matter dey abeg. 

I know the morality of the mistress comes into question and we can say that a lady should not date a married man in the first place. But the thing is, these men ehn, they can be very deceitful, now add persuasive to that. They will say all manner of things just to get down with a lady. They can claim to be separated from their wife, divorced and some will even claim to be single and they can actually act for Africa. So, a lady may indeed start believing the tale and even be dreaming of getting married to an already hitched man.

And men, you no dey try o, most of you will just keep quiet and watch your mistress take all the heat for an action you both committed together, especially when it is you who have betrayed a trust. Turn a new leaf, abeg. Ermm, whats that’s phrase again sef, yes, manning up, I believe to man up is to take responsibility for your actions. Stop watching from the sidelines and allow your mistress, a woman you probably deceived, take all the blame and embarrassment. Have the guts to tell your wife to blame you more than your mistress. It might even be a sweet way of winning her trust back. Let’s man up abeg.