I know this blog has gathered loads of cobwebs and this is certainly not a promise to dust them all off and lubricate the parts to get the wheels moving again. I actually wrote this because I couldn’t get my thoughts into a poem or something that looked like it, that was something I was able to do at a point in my life and it used to give me some satisfaction. Anyways, since the poetic mojo is off, I decided I will write something as I was so in need of a quick release.
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Last week was quite challenging for me, perhaps the most challenging one since the start of the lock down. I know this for a fact because I have been eating only one meal per day. I am not one to rummage through the internet looking for words to slap on my upper arm like a badge of honor to be referenced every now and then, but I will describe myself as an emotional non-eater. I can almost hear some people saying, ‘that’s why you have not gained a dress size in 12 years!’
Considering that I have been at home for almost two months, last week’s string of non-eating is not very surprising because prior to the lock down, outside of work I live my life with very little human interactions so I didn’t really think the lockdown was going to affect me that much, boy, I must have been delusional. The truth is work takes a great deal out of us each day in this damn city such that the time we are not at work we use to recharge our batteries, so it became really convenient to not cultivate human interactions outside of work. The irony now is that the work interactions that we were accustomed to has now gone virtual and can be very annoying and irritating.
I know it’s supposed to be common knowledge, but it is in the middle of this pandemic that it hit me how much day to day human interactions contribute to keeping us sane. You see, I have always wanted to be my own hero, to do things for myself and make things happen for myself rather than waiting for someone to ‘help’ me. I never want to be one of those people who need to hear the voices of others ringing in their ears as they climb the ladders to the summit. I wanted to be to be my own consolation when I failed, to catch myself when I fall or at least try to control my fall in such a way that I don’t hit the hardest patch on the ground. I promised myself to love the heck out of myself the way I want to be loved and relish the sound of my voice and laughter so much I don’t really need anyone else to do it to make me feel whole.
All of these is not to say that I don’t have people that I depend on and draw huge support from, indeed there a quite a number of people that do make my world better and they have been great during this period. Some of their calls and chats have brightened some dark days for me and I’m immensely grateful to have them in my corner. One of these good people even brought me home-baked bread during this period, so you can see that I do have amazing people in my circle. I think what I’m whining about is that I have hitherto taken these things for granted and not actually recognized the significance of it all but the lockdown has helped me put things in perspective. In some ways, this is bad news for my philosophy because obviously there is a flaw in there and I absolutely do not need to over-pressure myself and I should enjoy the gift of friendship and support that other humans offer.
This post has now gotten longer than I envisaged and I have to end it here but you should know that my appetite is back and I have already eaten two meals today and I’m sure I will snack on something before I eventually sleep tonight. For an inactive chap working from home, that’s a lot of calories and just maybe this is the time that we’ll add one or two dress sizes.
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